Louise and I were sipping iced lattes in Starbucks Patio after our constitutional along El Paseo, Fanny snoozing at my feet. Agnus, a friend from Paradise Senior Living, puffed up. plopped into the vacant chair, pulled out a hankie the size of a dish towel and sopped the perspiration dripping from her brow. Clearly, she was agitated. “Dr. Sidney’s nurse has it in for me. I’m convinced.”
“The tiny one with the bodacious tatas and the18 inch waist?” I go to the same doc.
Agnus rolled her eyes and wrung out her hankie. “I know I’m obese…”
True! Agnus had to be hitting 300.
“…but I’m happy with who I am. And Harry’s even happier!”
Agnus and Harry were the poster couple of Louise’s short-lived dating service. Hunky Harry, buff, handsome, a personal trainer at Gold ‘s Gym adores Agnus, every inch, every ounce. Says he wants something to pinch and cuddle.
“The harpy insists I get weighed,” Agnus said. “She doesn’t even allow me to take off my chunky bracelets or my earrings, or even my sandals. And then she tesk, tesks and rolls her eyes.” Agnus gave me a beseeching look. “What would you do, Hazel?
I drained my latte. “I’d just say no!”
“Can I do that?”
“I’m not familiar with a law that says you can’t. What’s she gonna do, sue you? Obviously, the scrawny little witch can’t lift you onto the scales. It’ll take courage to say no, but I have confidence in you, Agnus.”
Agnus sat up straighter, a smile on her pretty round face. “You’re so gifted, Hazel, you always cut right to the chase. I’m going to take your advice.”
Louise pulled the soggy straw from her latte. “You’re such an expert, Hazel, you should have a column in the Desert Sun. Always giving out advice, at least then you’d get paid for it.”
Ignoring her sarcasm, I suddenly had another one of my epiphanies. Louise is always nagging me about “giving back.” What better way to give back than to share my advice- giving talent?
So, I invite you all to write to “Dear Hazel.” Anything that’s bothering you: finances, relationships, personal problems, you name it! Then look for my advice on my Facebook page: Hazel Flick and Fanny